OH....I forgot I had this blog! :?  Not really!  The truth is, my mind has been going around in circles and I didn't want to confuse you!!!  ( I have been :P)   After all the circling, I find my self tired and at a standstill in life!  I guess when I was married I never put much thought into "what happens next?"  You just go through life and do what married people do!  I never thought about what happens when your divorced!  I don't think you really think about those things when you DO get married, like "when this is over, I'm going to............."  Finding myself as a single mom, that never finished her career, in a new town with limited friends and job opportunities was NEVER a thought, BUT that is where I am!  I spent a lot of time praying before divorce became a reality.  Where do I go, what do I do?  And it came around so fast, it's hard to believe it's been a year ago!  I found, what I thought would be a good job, a great place to live and I have had a wonderful man in my life for 8 mths now....but I struggle raising an 8 yr old by myself!  Don't get me wrong, if it wasn't for my mom helping me with my daughter, I don't know what I would have done!  I know I want more out of life than where I am now, I thought I could be content with the way things are, NOT!  So my first step, is to pray and look to God for my purpose.  I have decided to go back to school and finish my degree!!!  I want to be able to provide for my daughter a great life and opportunities as she grows older!  I want to be proud of myself and hold my head up high when I walk into a room.....feel like a winner!!!!  I want to walk toward the future with a smile on my face, instead of waking up everyday wondering what brick is going to hit me today!  Now I question...Is East Tx where I need to be?  Do I sign another years lease on the house I'm in?  Do I invest in a local college or seek other avenues???  So, I will continue to pray and let God show me where I need to be!

WOW!!!  What a Monday this Tuesday has been!!!  After a great weekend with friends and plenty of sleep last night, I was ready for a great day!!!!!  Did some thinking and soul searching, came up with a game plan and some goals and BAM!!!!!!!!!!  I've had bricks thrown at me all day!!!!!!!  I think maybe I should take myself STRAIGHT home, go to bed and restart tomorrow!!!
     I feel like my life is at a stand still or maybe I'm still dragging the past around with me!  All I know is things have got to change, I have to move forward!  My last blog was about putting "me" first and I haven't had much success in that so far!  I don't have a clue where I'm going or what I'm doing!  So what do I do when I get to this place in life?  I kneel and pray, ask for direction and trust in him to get me there!!!  I know there is a better life for me and Tay, I just have to find it, one day at a time!

YIPPEE!!!!  Found my password to my blog!!!  I don't know about you but I am SO ready for school to start!  My schedule has been so OFF this whole summer!  Isn't it funny how you work the same hours at work, but it seems so unbalanced when the kids are out of school!  It's almost like New Years...new goals when school starts back up!!  Hope everyone had a great summer!  If you have been putting off getting back into shape, this is a good time to do it!  Nothing like looking HOT in some jeans!!!  I started back about 2 weeks ago, REALLY getting serious!  My diet had improved and I have added morning cardio to my routine along with making sure I don't skip my weight days, even it means working out at home!  The most important thing is putting myself first!  You may be thinking, how do I do that with kids, spouses, boyfriends/girlfriends ect?  It amazing what a better person, mother and spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend you become!!!  Try it for a week, give yourself a chance and see how much better you become!

Day 4 of getting my diet back in check and all my workouts in!!!!  It's a process you have to ease into, especially if your not used to working out and dieting!  I hate to call it dieting, rather a lifestyle change!  What you put in your mouth is the biggest part of getting in shape and being healthy!  You will have set backs, but never stop or give up........you will get there!  I know I will, and the more consistent I am, the more results I see!  The weekend will be upon me as of tomorrow and that will be my biggest challenge!!!!

Back on the wagon again this week!  The "Fitness" wagon!  I do fairly well through the week and then BAM, here's the weekend and only a few cheats and all I worked for all week is gone!  I didn't have NEAR this much of a problem last year getting where I wanted to be, why is it so hard this time?  The simple answer is:  I should have never let myself get to this point!  It came on gradually, so slow I think I tried to just ignore it!  I'm only 10lbs. over what I was last year, but for me, that's TOO much!  Stress can do a lot of damage to ones soul and body!  Not having an accountability partner has played a big role in my decline!  I also used to teach 7-10 classes a week <- that was HUGE!  My metabolism just flat crashed landed!  I have a long road ahead and I know I have to rely on ME to get it done!  Managing my calorie intake vs. output!  I realized I also need to add more cardio!  MOST important is to manage my choices of food over the weekends!  Weight lifting is going good, it's my favorite workouts!  So, I will be adding morning cardio sessions on T, TH and Fridays and watching my diet closely on the weekends.................I MUST DO THIS!!!!!!!  I may look ok to others, but I know where I have been and I know how to get there, so I need to GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I decided I will use my blog as my accountability partner! :P

Jealousy........I think is the worst of the deadly sins!!!  More people get hurt due to jealousy!  Emotionally and in many cases physically!  Everyday you hear someone get hurt or dying and it always reverts back to jealousy!  It causes problems in the work place, the home and in our families!  "For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice"~ James 3:16  I have never known anyone to be jealous of me, but I have recently discovered that I now have that "one" in my life!  I kind of already knew, but it has come to surface itself recently!  Some things have been said and their actions have bothered me a bit, but I have been shaking it off and moving on!  Something happened this last week that really upset me and I work with this person!  I like my job, but not sure I can shake this one off, knowing it could get worse!  Do I stay, or seek other employment?  A good friend of mine is going through the same thing with an EX wife of her boyfriends!  I wish I could help her, but I'm a little stuck on this subject myself! I guess the best thing to do is pray and hope that whatever happens is what is meant to be!  If another job opportunity comes up better, that would be my sign to move on!  As for my friend, I guess I would let life be and go with what ever is placed in front of me!  Sometimes doing nothing is the best choice!

Well, it's Monday!  Had another great weekend!  So, I can't quite figure out why I am so blank today!  Ever have those days when you think about nothing?  Maybe it's the minds way of "resting" because there sure is a lot I could be thinking about today!  So I logged onto my old church website and watched the sermon from the weekend, it was about waiting.......maybe that's what I'm doing today, waiting on the next great thing to happen or not!  It was about what to do while waiting!  1) Wait Prayerfully: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God" Philipians 4:6  2) Wait Actively: whatever your prayers are, do more things towards the answers to your prayers "me" 3) Wait Patiently: Sometimes God has you wait on the things you think you want, to get you the things he knows you want!  God's delays are not God's denials!  Love it!!!!   So, now I realize, I do have a lot on my mind and felt much better when I didn't!  So I will wait, do what lies ahead!  Sometimes we worry about what can go wrong instead of just living day by day and being thankful for the day we have!  So live today like no other!